Oddball Film Report: a space opera double feature

Note: These reviews were originally written for Ken Begg's www.jabootu.net feature Video Cheese. They have been published here by his kind permission.

STARSHIP (1985 - color)
    "Lush but boring STAR WARS clone."

   When George Lucas unleashed STAR WARS, box office and merchandising history were made. Imitations were quick to follow, but few were as opulent or satisfying as BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, or BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS, or even STARCRASH. Most were ambitious, but rickety, imports (in fact, a 1965 Italian wonder with an oh-so-60's aesthetic was imported and slapped with the title STAR PILOT just because it had a space theme). Few matched the opulence of Lucas' marvel, and some skipped the space opera stuff for a more traditional (and usually more cost-effective) invasion-from-space plot. More detailed spaceship models than had been seen in previous years provided the aesthetic desired, as the Lucas aesthetic largely abandoned sleek spacecraft in favor of super-detailed workhorse vehicles. 

    So great was the thirst for such fare, though, that 1978-1981 saw a huge number of mock-STAR WARS epics doing their best to quench the movie-going public. This was a world-wide phenomenon, too, as dozens of space operas of varying quality arrived from Japan, Italy, and England. (In England, the success of STAR WARS even rubbed off on James Bond, and thus the 007 epic MOONRAKER jumped ahead of FOR YOUR EYES ONLY as the follow up to the successful THE SPY WHO LOVED ME.)

   So long as it involved space travel, or action set on some alien world, it was marketed directly at the monstrous audience that made STAR WARS such a bonanza. Infamously, Sandy Frank secured pop culture immortality by being one of the first to capitalize on Lucas' hit. He did this by importing a Japanese cartoon series about costumed spies and cutting in interplanetary exposition that turned it into Battle of the Planets! Frank would show the heroes take off from one country, cut in footage of deep space, and add a line about mirror planets across the universe, then show the G Force land in another, all-too-earth-like, country. Bingo, a space opera!

   Here, we discover a promising, but ultimately lackluster effort that won't take long to write about. Rather than huge space battles, we have instead a saga of refuges and rebels who attempt to thwart a plot to kill a planet of colonists/miners and replace them with robot soldiers who will be far more efficient at supplying minerals to whatever totalitarian regime is commanding this film's universe. The entire affair will be planet bound, with scenes either set in the desert wasteland above or the metal catacombs beneath, below being where everyone lives. This one looks better than most examples, but it had me sorely missing the sense of fun found in the much more entertaining SPACEHUNTER: ADVENTURES IN THE FORBIDDEN ZONE. Everything is relative, though, so STARSHIP is a veritable masterpiece compared to some of the same period's Italian space-junk that I've sat through. Here, stuff happens, and it's competently depicted, but with so little flash or substance that I found my mind wandering during the last reel. Ultimately, I found very little to talk about.

   The STAR WARS influence is everywhere, but the end result feels more like a MAD MAX/THE ROAD WARRIOR knock-off. A distant planet is mostly a huge dust-bowl save for the large colony established some generations ago. This is a mining colony, and not only has supply to the federation dropped off, but the colonists are beginning to revolt against the galactic empire, or whoever. Humanoid robots are dispatched to squash the rebellion, which turns out to be a bunch of protesters who likely couldn't do more than toss Molotov cocktails if they were actually forced to fight. That's not to say there isn't an actual rebel force in place, though, and the resistance movement will cause quite a bit of trouble before things are over. For instance, they plant an explosive on a re-built robot and then send the decoy to a repair center before detonating him.

   The characters are mostly echoes of the STAR WARS figures, only less optimistic. There's a young guy who joins the rebellion after the robots kill his mother while attempting to flee, there's a girl who's had to become a commando to survive, and there's Grid, a highly civil robot who manages to combine the traits of both C-3PO and R2-D2. He has a subdued English tone, as if said voice were being provided by Roddy McDowall doing an Anthony Daniels impression. Grid is a teacher droid who turns into a decent commando, but he's played by a midget, so he also has a child-like quality. 

   There's a bounty hunter, a solider droid who's anxious to take over the facility, and the heavy. He's a human soldier who claims a rather impressive former career, but is now disgusted to be an exterminator. His character could have been interesting if explored a little further, since he seems to have some moral qualms about killing other humans, but dares not defy his orders. It's not much, but makes for a fairly shaded character who COULD provide some interesting footage. Sadly, that doesn't happen here.

    Basically, the bad guys target the good characters and chase them all over the county. There's some hokum about hijacking one of the federation's heavy cargo ships, and a killer droid that looks just like Grid on the loose at one point, but honestly, this affair is so listless I didn't recall much after it was finished. It makes one realize that pace is often more important than production values.

   One area they sort of cheated for spectacle was a big set-piece involving a chase across the desert. Rather than build a facade for some future-y super vehicle, they instead just use one of those giant dump-trucks. The resultant fight scene that plays across this device looks less like something from a space opera than it does something from a spy epic. Unfortunately, this is the action highlight (and even that isn't very captivating), and there's still about 2/3's left to go.

   In the end, not a very memorable picture. Well made, but forgettable.

STAR CRYSTAL (1985 - color)
   "An intelligent creature is loose on a cargo ship about two years away from Earth."

   An ALIEN knock-off that plays better than it indicates it will, yet ultimately less than a masterpiece, STAR CRYSTAL has the credit of at least going in a different direction than we expect. 

   That's good, because first indications are of an ultra-cheap version of the same sort of ALIEN re-tread we've seen a dozen times before in late-night movie slots (although, I'm willing to grant that as awful as those films tend to be, at least they typically move much faster than their lethargic inspiration). How bad does this one look? Well, were it not from the 80's, you could easily be mistaken and think it had been commissioned for The Sci-Fi Channel. (Okay, it might not look THAT bad, since at least we're not subjected to giant cartoon snakes.)

   We start with the discovery of a strange object on Mars, out of which hatches a slimy monster and it's power source, the titular object. At this point, you'd think the show would depict the creature menacing the crew of the ship that find the crystal, but that's misdirection no. 1, as we soon pull into a space station where we're introduced to a handful of minor characters. 

   At this point, you'd think the creature was going to stalk the crew of this station, but welcome to misdirection no. 2! The station explodes and only five people manage to escape in the cargo ship that recently returned from Mars! I'm thinking they started filming the first plot, then had to change things when an actor dropped out or something. They then came up with the space station routine, and then had another something go wrong behind the camera. They finally settle into a main story, though, and we follow the survivors as they begin their long journey back to Earth.

   I gotta tell you, things look pretty bad at this point, quality-wise. The sets are cheap as you can imagine, and everything looks like it was made for a threadbare TV show. The acting is either terrible or bland, and it's shaping up to be another body-count-in-space vehicle. Fortunately, this is yet another misdirection. While the final film isn't great, it does manage to become (fairly) gripping in the second half. I'd avoid reading this, though, should you ever attempt to watch it, as I will provide spoilers. You have been warned.

   So we have what looks like a dry run for Red Dwarf. The only men aboard are technicians, not pilots. However, the first technician holds the highest rank, so he's the defacto captain. He's the white loser guy. His partner is a less-hip-than-he-thinks-he-is black guy who isn't too tore up about the long journey back to earth, since it'll give him a chance to make time with the three women on board. There's a crabby engineer, a serious and impatient doctor, and a cute blonde woman who's purpose I don't recall. She seems to've been included just to provide a gratuitous nude scene, but much to my surprise, the film avoids nudity completely! That's sort of odd for an ALIEN knock-off, isn't it?

   Also, despite this Losers In Space set-up, the film isn't a comedy. One can only imagine how painful -and even more obscure- the film would have been if they'd gone in that direction.

   The cargo ship has a few rooms at the bow and stern, but is mostly a maze of tunnels in the middle.  A diagram of these tunnels, showing crew location based on body heat, are displayed on a big computer screen, so the characters can see when one of their number are being closed in on by the creature, which is now up and around. The creature quickly dissolves the majority of the crew, leaving the Captain and the Doctor to lock themselves in the cockpit and wait out the creature. Now instead of getting boring, this is actually the part where it starts to become (comparatively) interesting.

   The slimy Martian proves to be intelligent and ever-learning. While waiting out the humans, it taps into the computer system and ultimately takes control of the ship. We see the creature at one point searching the information banks of the computer, and studying up on Christianity. This was a weird tilt-the-head-and-arch-the-eyebrows moment for me, as it had me wondering if this was going to be one of those rare instances of a monster who finds God. Or, more likely, was this going to be yet another dig at Christianity by some smug Hollywood writer? Oddly, it was more the former option that the film ultimately took!

   Desperate for food after days of being locked into the cockpit (don't you know THAT was an unpleasing smell!), the Captain decides he must make a break for the supply room through the barely adequate corridors of the ship where his friend was earlier horribly slain. He finds the creature, natch, but it doesn't kill him. Instead it communicates. 

   The creature, it argues, didn't kill the others in malice, but in self-defense. Thinking over the circumstances, the Captain accepts this and chats with the monster. The Doctor, meanwhile, worried about the only man she'll be in the company of for the next year, heads into the corridors. She attempts to attack the Martian, but she's stopped. The creature doesn't kill her either, having learned the value of human life. Besides, it needs them to help repair the ship. Conversing enough to see reason, the trio peacefully co-exist on the long flight to the supply station.

   During that time, the creature becomes a cute side-kick, both helping to repair the crippled ship and getting in the way like some lovable sheep dog. Like I said, a very unexpected turn for an ALIEN clone! In the end, the creature heads back to Mars, and the humans have peace.

   Okay, I'm sure you're wondering what the monster looks like. (After all, that's really the ultimate point of these things, right?) Well, it isn't the spooky, toothy menace promised by the poster art. No, it's more of a huge yellow slug-like affair with big red eyes and a small mouth. 

   Let's say you had this anime series about a sexy space adventuress who piloted a futuristic pirate star-ship. Now say she had a bubbly, somewhat scatter-brained but just as sexy sidekick, say her navigator. Now say SHE had a pet alien that cooed and chirped and didn't do much on the show but would irritate the pilot character because it was always sleeping in her underwear drawer. Now imagine that creature as being live-action, coated in gel, and the size of a wolf, and THAT's the monster.

   Nothing to write home about, but if you can get through the first half, a fairly novel approach to a well-exercised genre.

Oddball Film Report: HIRED TO KILL (1990)

Note: this review was originally written for www.jabootu.net, and it has been published here first by the kind permission of Mr. Ken Begg.

HIRED TO KILL (1990 - color)

"A mercenary and some lady commandos go undercover as a fashion designer and his models, aiming to heat up a revolution on a small island nation."

   Going into HIRED TO KILL, I wasn't expecting THE DELTA FORCE or anything. I wasn't even expecting THE PANTHER SQUAD, for that matter, because the video box looked like it was trying to pass itself off as an Andy Sidraris movie. This is education, as it demonstrates that Sidaris had a successful formula, even though he didn't do it very well.

   Sidaris made movies that were pretty blunt about what they were, which is to say economical action movies mixing fiery explosions with gratuitous nudity. Big guys with big guns would mix it up with busty gals who carried big guns, and blow up a few bad guys. At least once per picture, often two or three times, the girls would strip down for a shower or the occasional hot tub scene. With this reliable exposure of female skin (though it weirdly became increasingly fleeting as the cycle grew older), the films of Mr. Sidaris became staples of the video rental era. What always struck me was, given the simplicity of Mr. Sidaris' formula, how poorly he did it! Andy's movies always ran too long and thought themselves more amusing than they were. Seeing a film trying to front as a Sidaris-a-like sounds okay on the surface, since they might do a better job with the same materials. The problem was, I had seen a film from our director already, one Nico Mastorakis, and it was a chore to sit through. So much so that as result I had a bit more respect for the Sidaris cannon!

   The film I had seen was a limp espionage/college comedy called SKYHIGH. I found  myself leaning on the fast forward button, a pretty rare occurrence in my house. The plot detailed a trio of unlikable students on vacation to the Mediterranean who find themselves in possession of a mind-control cassette tape sought by enemy spies. It was a lifeless affair that had me running screaming for the nearest Matt Helm movie I could get my hands on (the Tony Franciosa pilot movie included). That SKYHIGH wasn't Nico's first film is embarrassing, and I soon learned just how well Sidaris made his movies (we're grading on a curve here). Needless to say, this did not bode well for the film I was about to watch.

   This is my fourth female commando movie, and interestingly it reworks a lot of elements from HUSTLER SQUAD, which actually wasn't a bad movie (and I've given it a full review previously, for those interested). HUSTLER SQUAD involved a plot to use women posing as concubines to infiltrate an island cathouse where top Japanese brass would visit during WW2. This was to help Filipino rebels. The operation was under command of a Colonel who really wasn't keen on the idea of using women as commandos, but came to respect them.

   HIRED TO KILL involves a plot to use female commandos posing as fashion models to infiltrate and overthrow a dictator's ruthless island government and help some rebels take control. This operation is under control of a mercenary who doesn't like working with women, but comes to respect them. I suppose there're only so many plots you can dream up for a female commando story, but the first half here was weirdly similar to the earlier film.

   Both involve suicide missions requiring female agents working in tropical surroundings, both feature the male hero and his immediate underling -female- enlisting volunteers from various seedy locales, including prison. Both films feature a squad member who is over-sexed, one who was traumatized by being raped, one hiding from authorities, and one who killed her lover. In both films, the girls are placed under command of a man who doesn't like the assignment and then the ladies engage in intensive training. The similarities were so strong in the first half, I wondered if HIRED TO KILL weren't an unofficial remake of HUSTLER SQUAD....

   Much to my relief, HIRED TO KILL starts like an actual movie, with a decent 'action-movie' title sequence of transparent blue wording on a stark black background, with a driving piece of surprisingly decent 'action-movie' music. This was so well-done, it got my hopes up that maybe this would be closer to THE DELTA FORCE than it had any right to be (yeah, right). Certainly the cast being headed by George Kennedy, Oliver Reed, and Jose Ferrer meant it could go in either direction. It ultimately was a lot better than I expected, pretty decent for this kind of thing, really. Fortunately, somewhere in there, Nico figured out how to make a movie (taking on a co-director probably helped too)!

   With the credits finished, I immediately sank back into a state of dread. The first thing we see is a private yacht at dock. This (along with the inevitable cowhide briefcase, cross-dressers, and model helicopters) was an Andy Sidaris staple. At once, I recalled my favorite of the Sidaris line, MIAMI EXPRESS. "Cody Abilene just got another case" I said to myself...

   Cutting inside the craft, we see a man trying to sleep as the telephone is ringing. Pulling a huge revolver (another Sidaris trademark, as his films always featured a guy who carried around a .44 magnum -although they could never hit anything), the guy shoots his telephone. Har har, I suppose. Our sleepy hero, Ryan, is still roused, however, by what appears to be a CIA agent. A man named Thomas wants to see him.

   Fortunately, from here on, the film improves quite a bit. Thomas is played by George Kennedy, and he gives a much more lively performance than I expected. Considering he more or less sleep-walked through COUNTERFORCE and the dreary ALIEN-knock-off THE TERROR WITHIN, I wasn't expecting this to be much higher on his list of fine performances. Much to my delight, this proved a refreshing reminder of why Kennedy is one of my favorites. Weirdly, it may be one of his best performances of this period! He also looks trimmer than usual, or at least moreso than he did playing Ed Hockin.

   Thomas represents a mysterious corporate/government entity, to which the CIA are mere lackeys, looking to overthrow a tiny island's ruthless dictator, Bartos (Oliver Reed, rendered practically unrecognizable by his bushy handlebar mustache and Latin accent). Ryan is the best man for the job, but security is so tight that a squad of men will never get in. The solution is to send in a squad of female agents, under Ryan's command. They'll cover as a fashion designer and his top models. Funny how you'll play along when you're actually watching the film, only to later fully realize how comical a film's premise can be!

   So yes, this is basically Charlie's Angels writ large.

   There's not really enough of a plot to go into, as this is all stuff we've seen in a dozen other films (although it's handled well, relatively). Our commandos fight among themselves before coming together as a unit and shooting a bunch of bad guys holding Jose Ferrer hostage in an old castle. One of their number is a plant, sent in to make sure Ryan and his crew don't fully succeed. It's all pretty basic stuff. 

   The film does unexpectedly kill off Ryan's potential romantic interest half way through, however, so that was unexpected (though it probably shouldn't have been so shocking, since this also happened in RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD, PART 2). Even more unexpected was that he would quickly develop a relationship with the girl he most recently met!

   The film was mostly a showcase piece for Brian Thompson, who plays Ryan, in the hopes of building him up to be the next big action star. While not a bad actor, and certainly built well, the ugly Thompson really doesn't have the looks, or chops, to be a leading man. He's made more to play heavies, and he's played quite a few of them. He probably got the most attention on the big screen by playing the Night Slasher in the popular Stallone film COBRA. On TV he's been pretty busy, maybe most remembered as the 'Alien Bounty Hunter' from several episodes of the long-running The X Files.

   Not particularly smooth, Thompson does what he can. He has a few good scenes, such as a moment toward the climax where he mentally questions his orders to kill someone.

   Another good scene has the paranoid Bartos trying to catch Ryan with his guard down. Ryan is posing as a homosexual fashion designer (I know, just go with it), and Bartos posits his theory that man requires sex with a woman to give his life something soft he can cherish, or some such. While explaining this, he undresses his moll* who is actually an undercover rebel agent and caresses her breasts. Ryan pretends he doesn't find her all that attractive and Bartos makes her leave before walking over to Ryan. Thinking he has the drop on Ryan, Bartos grabs Ryan's crotch to check his arousal at the previous display. Caught, Ryan kisses Bartos and pretends to come on to him. Bartos has Ryan escorted from the room. Admittedly, Bartos wiping his mouth while stammering at this unexpected move struck me as pretty funny.

(* This again raises the nudity issue. This young woman has two scenes where her breasts are flashed, but otherwise the film has only a little cheesecake via swimwear. It's a genre noted for it's gratuitous nudity, but I manage to keep drawing films that don't feel compelled to play that card. What're the odds?)

   He's probably at his worst in a scene where he argues with the rebel girl about the merits of each other's respective jobs/lifestyles. This is supposed to be a fight that results in a sexual encounter. The problem is that Thompson lacks any sort of smoothness for this sort of thing. He comes across as a brutish thug, and the resultant sex scene plays more like a rape. His holding the girl down by the throat during their congress probably didn't help counter this vibe.

   In the end, though, not a bad action movie if you're looking for a way to kill an hour and a half. It's better than most of your cheap made-for-video fare, actually getting a theatrical release from Paramount, although it's still a B picture. The ending isn't bad, either*. Not gangbusters stuff, but a bit better than I was expecting.

(SPOILER - *Actually, it's quite endearing for not just killing off it's bad guy when the good guys are given a clear shot. Instead, they leave the unarmed dictator to the rebels who surround him.

And then there's the actual finish. Earlier in the film, Ryan made it clear to Thomas that if he got double-crossed, Thomas would die. Thomas jokes that Ryan will be back in time to help him celebrate his birthday. Naturally, Ryan gets double-crossed and the film ends with Thomas arriving home to find Ryan and the girls singing "Happy Birthday" before Ryan cocks his pistol and wishes Thomas well. We then cut to black.)

Video Cheese: End of the World double feature

Note: These reviews were originally written for Video Cheese, a feature of www.jabootu.net. They have been published here by the kind permission of Mr. Ken Begg. They've also been held back for a long time because I didn't want anyone to mistake the theme as some sort of political commentary. Given that it's Fall now, though, I think I can make the joke a connection to the change away from my favorite of seasons... Unplanned, but interesting, is that this also coincides with another date that's been set for the Rapture by people who continue to overlook the fact that scripture spells out that no human being can know the date beforehand. Anyway, on to our double feature...

HOLOCAUST 2000 (1978 - color)
   "Kirk Douglas vs the Antichrist."

    From the title, I expected a science fiction epic. What I got was a knock-off of THE OMEN!

    I've noted it before, and I'll note it again: devil movies tend to be more aggravating than entertaining, because so few of them are written by anyone with any spiritual knowledge. Because of this, I have never bothered with THE OMEN, or any of the multitude of rip-offs and cash-ins produced in the film's wake. Oh, a few such films have crossed my path, but as rule I don't go out of my way to see them. In that light, HOLOCAUST 2000 is probably the best of the lot. I had mixed feelings about it, but in general I felt it was a pretty good picture. Intriguing and well-made, with a fine cast, it keeps you interested until the end. (No pun intended!)

    The film is built around a Revelation prophesy about a seven-headed monster with ten crowns who rises from the sea in the End Times. Given power, the beast sways the nations and persecutes the people of God. This beast is followed by another beast which acts as a puppet to the first. Both are working for the Anti-christ, in a war against Israel and God's chosen, swaying the unlearned, bringing war and destruction to the world. (Fortunately, the book includes the ending, one rather happy for those who choose Christ over the world and the devil.) Most Bible readers, myself included, interpret this monster to be a conglomeration of nations opposed to Israel.

   HOLOCAUST 2000 interprets the monster as a proposed nuclear plant to be built in the Holy Land (how exactly the construction of this plant is to bring about the end of the world isn't clearly communicated, so I guess they just assumed the audience would be anti nuclear power). As we start, industrialist Kirk Douglas is blasting clear the site for the proposed project, right in the heart of spiritually significant land.

   Prior to detonation, Kirk shows a lady reporter, Eva (Virginia McKenna) a cave discovered under the blast site, where has been found an inscription carved into the wall which is simply the Hebrew word for "Jesus."  Eva takes a picture of Kirk standing next to the inscription on the cave wall. Later, when developed, the photo shows a cave painting behind Kirk, an apocalyptic image of a seven-headed monster. The exact same image is found on a canvas painting seen in a book, a picture painted hundreds of years later by an artist who couldn't have seen the cave painting.

   Opposition to the nuclear plant is strong, and an Arab assassin attempts to knife Kirk at a party thrown to raise support for the plant. Kirk's oh-so-angelic-looking-young-man of a son intervenes and saves Kirk's life, but kills his mother in the process. Her death will be the first of a series of bizarre murders and accidents of anyone who opposes the building of the plant. Kirk finds every obstacle clearing the path to build his plant, but he also becomes increasingly concerned as he begins to see prophecy coming true....

   Honestly, I don't know how much to say, as the film is best viewed without spoilers (granted, a pretty big one is patently obvious from the start). I have to say something, though, or else I'm just slacking on my duties here.

   The cast is full of familiar faces. Adelfo Celi drops by, for example. Who will ever forget his cycloptic SPECTRE agent Emilio Largo from THUNDERBALL, still The Biggest Bond Of All? Another 007 vet seen here is Geoffrey Keen, who replaced Bernard Lee as M, after doing a couple episodes as one of M's associates. Simon Ward plays Kirk's son, given the hopelessly absurd name of Angel Cain!

   Ultimately, not too bad -though no masterpiece by any stretch. It's a rare feat to make a devil movie that doesn't insult the intelligence of Christians (which should be the target audience, if you think about it), but this picture manages to be interesting enough to hold itself. Not the greatest thriller, but well worth a view if you're looking for a more intelligent than usual 70's occult horror opus. 

   Evidently, it was issued under a number of titles. The digital antenna channel Comet ran it recently under the title RAIN OF FIRE.

FUTURE HUNTERS (1986 - color)

   "A hunt for a powerful artifact crosses the borders of several countries -and film genres."

   FUTURE HUNTERS is actually a video title, but I can't uncover the original title of the film, so it will have to suffice.

   Interesting experience. The film is mostly a collection of themes cribbed from other films, and yet the end result is greater than the sum of its parts. There's a mixture of elements from THE TERMINATOR, THE ROAD WARRIOR, RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, KING SOLOMON'S MINES, Hercules, James Bond, Hong Kong action and kung fu films, Rambo, ROMANCING THE STONE, just a hodge-podge of just about anything you can imagine. Yet the film manages to be quite fresh and entertaining. I'd give it a good solid B in the action/adventure category.

   We open on a typical post-apocalypse world where bad guys drive around in old muscle cars (painted black and mounted with weaponry), who chase their intended prey into quarries, just like we've seen in 19,000 Italian movies from the 80's. And yet, this is done 19,000 times more competently than we're used to seeing. I knew something was weird when these threadbare elements were producing a shockingly gripping sequence. The first five minutes are more entertaining than the entirety of nearly every other movie I've seen use these same props. I couldn't figure out why this was the case, either, as they didn't seem to show ANYTHING that was different from all those other films.

   This opening also starts with some narration to bring us up to speed. This was done in such a fashion, though, as to make me think this were a trailer for another film before the feature presentation. It sounds like Don LaFontaine reading the ad copy for the latest science fiction epic. This intro clues us into the fact that this won't be the typical ROAD WARRIOR knock-off.

   As is genre SOP, a nuclear war has reduced the earth to a big desert with isolated tribes battling for survival. There's an evil government force that rules with an iron hand. Some rebels believe that the only hope mankind has is to return to the past prior to the war and stop it from happening. The key to this is the Spear of Longinus that pierced Christ after his Crucifixion! Somehow, wielding it will transport a man through time! Enter the one man who can save the world, a warrior named Mathew....

   The first reel or so shows Mathew's adventure as he is chased by the bad guys (Mathew has his own black muscle car, although it bites the dust when his opponents bring in tanks!) and kills off an impressive number of armed soldiers. Despite the efforts of the governing body, Mathew makes it to the ruins of an old church. There he finds the head of the spear just as the enemy forces obliterate the building. (To make their tanks more future-y, they've swiveled the turrets around and are driving the tanks in reverse!)

   Mathew wakes to find himself in 1986, in the same church, days before the nuclear holocaust that created his world.

   A young woman, Michelle, and her fiancée, Slade (a young Robert Patrick in his first film, already getting top billing some years before his star-making role as the T-1000), are examining the church, and the paintings upon its walls. Some bikers pull up, beat up Slade, and try to rape Michelle. Matthew intervenes and saves Michelle, but gets shot in the process. Before expiring, Matthew tells Michelle and Slade they must carry on his mission. And thus we witness the exit of Mathew, the coolest, but  shortest-lived action hero I have ever met. 

   That's right, Matthew was just there to set things in motion. The real story will revolve around this pair of bickering lovers!

   While game for an action lead, I note Robert Patrick is pretty green here. He'd grow into a much better actor (although some of his stiffness here may be the fault of the director), and I find myself wondering what he thinks of his first film in retrospect.

   The pair now has the spear head, which Michelle saw turn one biker into ashes when stabbed by Matthew. Slade doesn't want to have anything to do with it, but Michelle has made up her mind to honor Matthew's dying request. Although reluctant, Slade decides to tag along with Michelle when thugs try to beat her up to gain possession of the artifact.

   The spear must be connected to it's shaft and placed in direct sunlight, as the two objects on their own and left in the dark have apparently perverted their power. Evil forces are after the spear, and if they get it, so begins the nuclear war! (Actually, the spear was sought by Hitler, as he believed whomever possessed the spear would be unbeatable. It was his obsession with the spear which inspired the Third Reich's quest for the Ark of the Covenant in Steven Speilberg's RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, which in turn inspired this little adventure.....)

   Matthew mentioned a scientist named Hightower, so Michelle and Slade go to see him. They find his assistant, who tells them Hightower's exact whereabouts are unknown. So starts a journey across the world, first stop being China. 

   In China, Slade picks up a sidekick played by Bruce Le (but the credits list as Bruce Li, the other Bruce Lee impersonator. One wonders what Le thought upon discovering this little boo boo). Since we're in China, the film suddenly morphs into a Chinese one. First, Slade and Le wander into a sacred temple watched over by an old master who promptly beats up both parties. Le fights back, though, and makes sure to remove his shirt so he's seen wearing nothing other than those baggy black pants like Bruce Lee wore in ENTER THE DRAGON! He even produces a pair of nun-chucks! So we get a fight scene that's pretty neat, despite it's being completely out of place! The battle ends when a sniper, aiming for Slade, takes out the monk.

   Michelle, having just finished a shower, is attacked by Chinese gangsters! (From kung fu movie to crime picture in less than a minute! They even make sure to rip open Michelle's robe and flash her breasts to make the aesthetic complete...) Slade and Le return and mop up the floor with the bad guys before they can harm Michelle. 

   Our heroes learn that Hightower has fled to Manila, and we leave China. Weirdly, we also leave Le! It was looking like he was going to be Slade's sidekick for the rest of the picture, but I guess he fulfilled his obligations by reminding us of Bruce Lee and beating up a few guys, because he drops out of the picture completely!

   In Manila, everything becomes clear. The Fourth Reich is after the spear, and they manage to steal the blade from Slade and Michelle. A bound Hightower is on hand, but he'll not survive the movie. The Nazis blow up their headquarters, taking out Hightower. Slade and Michelle escape, though, and the pair take off after the bad guys as they fly into the jungle. 

   Their continuing adventures involve Mongols, pygmies, and Amazons! (Amusingly, Michelle relates the legend of some amazon women-like warriors, but the line comes out emphasizing "woman-like" and I had a lot of fun picturing woman-like warriors. Also, ever notice that movies tend to be fond of the phrase 'Amazon women' as opposed to just saying 'Amazons'? I think Michelle would still have gotten her point across had she called the tribe Amazon-like, but what do I know?)

   Considering there's hardly a single original idea to be found here, I was pretty amazed at well it all holds together! Even the thematic style seems to change frequently, as if a number of different films were spliced together in random order. It goes from a Mad Max movie to a kung fu movie, to Hong Kong action thriller, to James Bond movie, to ROMANCING THE STONE, to Indiana Jones, and then to Rambo, then to Allan Quatermain..... It keeps you guessing what direction they'll go in next! Yet, the final result is actually a pretty entertaining picture. Weird film.

    One thing I must mention is one of the wildest continuity/editing errors I've ever seen in my long career as a videonaut! There's a scene toward the end where some characters are trying to dig through a pile of rocks, and our leading couple runs over to help them. We see the pair enter shot and move away some stones, then we cut over to the pair STILL STANDING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SET! They then step forward and begin moving the stones! It's like they were having a vision of what they were about to do!

Video Cheese: CERTAIN FURY (1985)

 Note: This review was originally written for www.jabootu.net's Video Cheese feature. It has been published here by the kind permission of Mr. Ken Begg.

CERTAIN FURY (1985 - color)

   "An innocent runaway teams up with a street-wise survivor and the two must run from the law through the dirty and crime-ridden underworld of the city."

   If you want my advice, I say skip Certain Fury and opt for the vaguely similar Teenage Doll, a late-50's Roger Corman pic about nice girl June Kenney becoming involved with criminal JD's and being on the hook for killing someone. Certain Fury seems to be built on the frame of that earlier film, but built up with cynical and pretentious elements to become a sleazy 'buddy' picture of sorts. 

   In the end, there's not a lot here that sticks with you. This is partly because the film keeps changing what direction it wants to go in. It starts a slick drama, then quickly becomes a violent exploitation picture, then settles into tragic character study, back to exploitation picture, occasional flirtations with character-based comedy, back to drama, back to exploitation, back to drama, and none of it is handled very well.

   Our stars are former child actress Tatum O'Neal, and successful singer/songwriter (and occasional actress) Irene Cara. This would seem both young ladies' bid to become serious actresses, but they've picked the wrong screenplay. While the script manages to be smart at times, its just as often moronic. 

   Tatum (who I must admit isn't hard on the eyes) plays Scarlet, a young lady who has grown up on the streets and has known nothing but hardship. She has somehow managed to survive despite not knowing how to read. I'm sure a better actress could have made more of this part, but O'Neal is all wrong. She never suggests someone with enough wit to survive the almost apocalyptic world she's supposed to come from. One of her traits is that she puts on a submissive act to get what she wants from the men in her life, and they're all catching on. The problem is, she's so bad at this act that it's hard to accept that anyone EVER fell for it.

   Cara fares better as Tracy, in over her head but looking for a way out. She's the conscience of the pair, and that will provide most of the conflict between the characters. 

   In one scene, Scarlet gives Tracy some dope to sell for money, but Tracy refuses to make money that way. Tracy must stick close to Scarlet, however, because she's the only person she has even a slight bond with who can survive the mean streets. In what I found the film's best moment, Scarlet calls Tracy "the N word" and Tracy gets offended, delivering a profanity-laced speech to put Scarlet in her place. But Scarlet is bemused that her words could have such a reaction, coming as she does from a world where race isn't an issue. Had the majority of the film delivered this much intelligence, it might have been a pretty fun watch.

   We open with a bunch of girls being filed into court, Tracy and Scarlet among them. Scarlet is more bored than anything else, having lived through this kind of thing many times before (although it looks like she may have the book thrown at her this time). Tracy, caught joyriding in a car she didn't know contained illegal narcotics, is terrified of this new situation she's found herself in. She has a wealthy father, but he's been so neglectful of Tracy since the passing of his wife that he remains unaware of his daughter's predicament. Tracy expects the defense lawyer to have been sent by him, but instead finds herself being defended by a court-appointed lawyer.

   Things quickly take a turn as a couple hookers take over the room. One sings and creates a diversion until the guard approaches her, at which point she slashes his throat and the other grabs his gun and takes the judge hostage.

   This sudden eruption of Tarantino-like violence lasts just long enough to lull us into the impression that this will be an action film. As more guards burst into the room, the judge is accidentally shot, his brains sprayed all over the man standing next to him. In the ensuing firefight, much carnage is depicted. 

   Scarlet and Tracy manage to escape in the confusion, but the homicidal hooker tags along with them long enough for the Police to get the impression that the pair was in on the break which resulted in the deaths of a good dozen or so cops and bystanders. The film briefly jumps into Jabootu territory when the girls jump a fence and the 'iron' spikes which line the top wobble as if, well, as if they were rubber props. In the very next scene, the hooker tries to scale the fence and follow, and a cop grabs her ankles. We get a close-up shot of a pair of spikes poking through her body! I didn't think the spikes looked that long when they were rubber, nor did I think the cop had enough of a grip, or leverage, to do that to her!

   The girls escape into the sewer, but the cops are behind them. One manages to trap them in a dead end in a half-flooded drain. After calling in to let his superiors know where he's located, the cop then pulls out a cigarette. Oddly, it is Tracy, and not the cop, who notices the sewer gas and remembers its inflammable. There is a huge explosion, one which causes giant fireballs to erupt into the street. 

   The girls manage to dive into the water and save themselves. The cop, who somehow isn't burned despite the center of the explosion being inches from his face, also survives but is hooked on the drain's grate with his head under water. Tracy tries to save him, but can't get him free fast enough. Tracy is now convinced she's responsible for his death.

   The girls eventually leave the sewer and head down town, where Scarlet knows a guy who has a place they can hide out in. His apartment also doubles as his studio for taking pornographic pictures, and the guy is also Scarlet's pimp. Tracy asks to use his shower, and Scarlet heads out to get some traveling money (or something) from Peter Fonda! 

   I'm not 100% sure what Fonda's character is all about (he seems to be a mob boss), or what exactly his previous relationship with Scarlet was (he may have been one of her 'Johns' but he may have been more than that). He's cooled on her now, though. She takes offense and starts to chew him out, which causes Peter to slash her cheek with his knife. 

   Meanwhile, Scarlet's pimp tries to rape Tracy in the shower (in an odd move for a supposedly serious performance, Cara provides a full frontal nude scene -though this is seen through the minimally textured shower door) and she has to fight him off. For a while it looks like she killed him, but he surfaces again.

   For whatever reason, Fonda sends his thugs to finish off Scarlet. They follow the girls to an opium den, where Scarlet tries to unload some dope and collect enough money to skip town. I guess I'll leave off there just in case you want to see the film for yourself.

   The main highlights here are occasional scenes with George Murdock (as a detective, natch) and Moses Gunn (as Tracy's father), always a few steps behind the girls and reflecting on what lead to the trouble everybody is in. Seeing two old pros at work elevates these scenes far higher than they have any right to be. You find yourself wishing they had been the focus of the story rather than the Hard Luck Girls.

Ultimately, I can't be sure if this movie is Oscar bait posing as exploitation drama, or exploitation drama posing as Oscar bait. Like I said, go with Teenage Doll instead, you'll find a lot more meat there (and the adorable June Kenney is always welcome on my screen).

   By the way, the title Certain Fury doesn't seem to have anything to do with anything in the film itself.

A Super-marathon for halloween! (UPDATED)

George Reeves and Phyllis Coates as Superman and Lois Lane

   Rather than the usual random lists of things to watch in late October, I thought I'd go for a theme this year. At first, I considered listing the numerous giant spider movies. Then a far grander idea came to mind...

   For most of us, halloween is basically an excuse to watch old monster movies on television. Once upon a time, however, the season was noted for it's costume parties. Adult-size halloween costumes continue to be sold, but I must admit I've not heard of a single costume party being thrown during my life time. Supposedly, you'd find more of these in urban areas than in the rural paradise in which I live. Still, it's not like you regularly hear about normal people throwing costume balls anymore. The connection to the season remains, however, and I thought I'd use this halloween to examine the costumed superhero genre. I'll be limiting the field to feature films (although even this requires mentioning some TV shows).

   I hasten to note that this list is nowhere near complete. Dozens of these movies were cranked out in the 60's and 70's, and these are only the examples I have some knowledge of.

   Although costumed superheroes had been a pivotal part of the chapter serials during the 30's, 40's, and 50's, they really didn't begin to headline feature films until those same serials were condensed into movie format and re-issued to theaters or sold to television. Thus the first real superhero movie was SUPERMAN AND THE MOLE-MEN, which basically served as a pilot for the classic television series.

   SUPERMAN AND THE MOLE-MEN was akin to a standard 50's science fiction film, albeit one in which Superman was the main character. The story follows Clark Kent and Lois Lane as they come to an isolated small town to do a story on the world's deepest drilling operation. Once there, they find the drilling has been stopped. At night, creatures from deep within the Earth climb out of the shaft...

   In an unusual move for a 50's science fiction picture, the Mole-Men are presented as sympathetic explorers. Superman sides not with the frightened populace, but with the beings everyone else is convinced are monsters!

   It was later broken down into a two-parter of the series itself. Much has been said of how perfectly George Reeves captured the all-American superhero, and it's true. Few actors have brought to life a character so vividly. Also of note was the fact that Reeves' Clark Kent is every bit as strong as Superman. Most actors since have tried to make the two personalities as different as possible by playing Kent as a milksop. George's Kent could hold his own series.

   In SUPERMAN AND THE MOLE-MEN, Reeves' Clark Kent is more or less in place, although Lois thinks him a coward for his habit or running off when trouble starts. Superman seems a little self-righteous, though. No doubt part of the issue is trying to establish everything within an hour's runtime, thus when Superman takes charge because things have gotten out of hand, it really doesn't seem like enough time has passed for a frenzied mob to really get out of control. Superman also seems a bit deaf to the concerns of the townsfolk, in legitimate fear for their lives and having taken up arms to protect themselves. True, they get further whipped into a frenzy by the town bigmouth, but at one point Superman berates them as "acting like Nazi stormtroopers" and actively confiscates their guns! Wow.

   While The Adventures of Superman was on the air, science fiction was really more popular than screen super-types, so there wasn't a flood of similar figures in American movies. Japan, however, gave us Starman.

Ken Utsui as Starman

   Starman was the superhero of a series of serials produced for Japanese theaters (where he was known as Super Giant). These serials were condensed into feature films and released to American television in 1965 under the titles ATOMIC RULERS, INVADERS FROM SPACE, ATTACK FROM SPACE, and, most infamous of the lot, EVIL BRAIN FROM OUTER SPACE. Starman was, as explained, a sort of living robot, sent by a collective of alien leaders to help prevent Earth-based atomic disasters which could poison the rest of the universe. Starman set up shop in Japan, where he offered battle to invaders from space as well as terrorists and gangsters. In one film, he went up against an evil Martian dance troupe! 

   Starman made for an interesting hero. Almost always, he was a kind, caring soul, very peaceable and sometimes quite somber. Whenever he had a chance to fight off an army of bad guys however, he acted like he was having the time of his life! He'd karate chop and toss around a dozen or so baddies before striking a pose and laughing! He really seemed to enjoy his work when he got a chance to cut loose and slaughter the enemy. 

   Mention should also be made of a pair of similar characters. PRINCE OF SPACE told of invasion of Earth by the dictator Phantom of the planet Krankor. Phantom desires a revolutionary new rocket fuel formula developed by Professor Macken of Japan. Prince of Space fought on behalf of our world, though where he came from is left a mystery. He has a flying saucer, and the weapons of Krankor are useless against him, but his civilian identity is that of a bootblack named Wally. Is he a human who just happens to have special powers and technologies, or is he a being from space living on Earth?

   Similar was INVASION OF THE NEPTUNE MEN, in which Space-chief comes to the aid of our world when creatures from Neptune set their sights on Japan. Space-chief was secretly a rocket scientist, but is his flying car some sort of technology from another world? Or is he just really smart? Unlike Prince of Space, Space-chief doesn't actually save the day during the climax. Though he buzzes around and fights the full-scale invasion, it's actually the JSDF that takes out the invaders. Much of the climax features footage reportedly lifted from a now-lost WW3 movie, THE LOST WAR. (Not to be confused with THE LAST WAR, a Toho epic seen State-side on television.)

   Both PRINCE OF SPACE and INVASION OF THE NEPTUNE MEN were imported to the States during the early 60's. Both had clips used in IT CAME FROM HOLLYWOOD, and both were seen on Mystery Science Theater 3000 in that show's 8th season. More recently, both films were issued together on a double feature disk. Sorry for the lack of pix.

   About the time Starman had finished his heroics (though before they were imported to the States), along came Santo, the champion masked wrestler of Mexico. At the end of the 50's, Santo embarked on a long film career in which he continually brought the battle to the forces of evil. (His history is chronicled in my review of the Turkish film 3 GIANT MEN.)

Samson, originally Santo

   A scant handful of Santo's films were dubbed and released in the States (four in total, making me wonder just where a boxed set is). To American audiences, he was Samson, reportedly because the distributor thought he might trick the audience into thinking Samson's films were Sword and Sandal epics. The most widely-seen of these films may've been SAMSON VS. THE VAMPIRE WOMEN. It's really too bad more of Santo's adventures weren't brought north of the border. Fellow masked wrestler/detective Neutron, however, did get most if not all of his films imported to the States.

Rat Pfink and Boo Boo

   A truly bizarre one came along in '65. Ray Steckler was working on what may've been his most effective crime thriller when he got bored with the material and at the mid-point of production changed it into a superhero spoof. RAT PFINK A BOO BOO (so titled because the film lab blew the title and Steckler couldn't afford to have it re-done) is a surprisingly fun -and funny- movie about a rock singer who has the secret identity of crime-smasher Rat Pfink. As a send-up of the old serials, it's quite spectacular. For some reason, Rat Pfink heroically standing up in the sidecar of a speeding motorcycle remains one of the funniest things I've ever seen!

Rat Pfink meets Kogar (Bob Burns)

   Timing of the film's release is confusing. Seemingly Steckler's cash-in on Bat-mania, the film came along a full year before Batman hit the small screen. Ray either had amazing foresight or it was an astounding coincidence!

   Batman, of course, was a parody of the genre of superheroes. It was also a very clever parody. Kids tuned in by the millions completely unaware that the subject was satire (much as had been the case of The Bullwinkle Show). Adults tuned in to laugh themselves silly, and so they did thanks to some incredibly sharp scripts. Batmania had the Nation in a tizzy, and soon the big screen was caught up in it too.

Adam West as Batman, Burt Ward as Robin

   BATMAN was a feature spin-off meant to sell the series in England. Pulling out all the stops, the Caped Crusader and the Boy Wonder are called into action when master criminals The Joker, The Riddler, The Penguin, and Catwoman join forces to hold the United Nations hostage. The film did very well here in the States, and the increased budget allowed the series crew to build some expensive new props that could be washed back into the show itself.

Kathryn Victor as Batwoman

   One of the first attempts to cash in on Batman's success was THE WILD WORLD OF BATWOMAN.  Jerry Warren crafted this bizarre comedy about a lady crimefighter and her army of young women in battle against a masked mad scientist (he lifted from a Mexican wrestler epic) named Rat Fink. Kathryn Victor, Warren regular, plays the titular hero. Although she wears a mask, the bat tattooed on her chest would probably give her away at all but the most formal of functions!

   This picture is depressingly dreary. Too small in scope to really do anything action-wise, and too flat to serve as a good comedy. It's as static and sterile as anything you've seen, and even the frequent groupings of pretty go-go girls can't breath any life into the proceedings. Steve Brodie is thoroughly wasted, though he possesses enough talent and star charisma that he comes off a lot better than he should. The few amusing gags (like an out-of-nowhere seance in which Batwoman's spirit-guide is interrupted by a Chinese voice) are generally drawn out far beyond their place. Just a terrible picture, even by Jerry Warren standards! 

   BATMAN's peculiar blend of adventure and humor reportedly didn't make a lot of sense to the Brits, although the rest of Europe quickly caught bat-fever and began to crank out their own costumed super-types. There were so many, in fact, that I'm only familiar with a scant handful.

Ken Wood as Superargo, with Monica Randall

   From Italy came Superargo, a sort of Santo through a James Bond filter. In SUPERARGO VS DIABOLICUS, we see how super-powered masked wrestler Superargo leaves the ring following the death of his opponent. He's recruited by the Secret Service to take on super-criminal Diabolicus -who plans to wreck the economy with his artificially-created gold. Superargo was impervious to almost anything, including extreme temperatures. Electricity could cause him pain, but not kill him. He could also heal instantly, even from a deep knife wound -though he does require a bullet-proof suit.

Superargo's action music is an almost note for note copy of The 007 Theme!

   SUPERARGO VS DIABOLICUS ends on a promise of further adventures for our hero. Indeed, Superargo would return a couple years later with a more comfortable-looking mask and a new swami sidekick for SUPERARGO AND THE FACELESS GIANTS.

Ken Wood's Superargo is joined by Kamir (Harold Sambrel)

Superargo battles the Faceless Giants!

   SUPERARGO AND THE FACELESS GIANTS saw our hero again hired by the Secret Service to investigate a bizarre series of abductions of athletes by indestructible robot-like creatures. American star Guy Madison plays the heavy. Superargo picks up a few new powers this time around, thanks to his new mentor/sidekick Kamir. Although Kamir first appears to be a mystic, his abnormal abilities come with rational (well, let us say scientific) explanation. Superargo has proven such a dedicated study that his powers quickly overshadow those of his teacher! Among Superargo's new tricks are telekinesis and levitation. Sadly, this was the last Superargo picture.

Brad Harris, Tony Kendall, and Aldo Canti as the Three Fantastic Supermen

   THE THREE FANTASTIC SUPERMEN saw cop Brad Harris teaming up with a pair of acrobatic costumed thieves when a scientist's duplication machine is stolen by an evil organization plotting to destroy the world economy. Much of this one was played for laughs. There was at least one sequel, THE THREE FANTASTIC SUPERMEN IN THE ORIENT (which I haven't seen). Actually, according to the IMDB, there was a whole series that lasted into the 80's! How many of these ever made it beyond Italy, I couldn't say.

Not entirely accurate poster art...

Roger Browne as Argoman

   THE FANTASTIC ARGOMAN, or THE INCREDIBLE PARIS INCIDENT, was apparently an attempt to take the subject into more adult territory in response to all those swinging secret agents. Thus, Argoman is a bit of a skirt-chaser despite the fact that his bedroom antics cause him to lose his superpowers for a period of several hours. Like the Green Hornet, Argoman is on police record as a criminal. Fortunately, he chooses to use his super-abilities to help people. When he comes up against a female mad scientist heisting the Royal Jewels for some sort of duplication machine (a very popular element in this genre, no?), Argoman must contend with thugs, superweapons, and even a big clunky robot!

   DANGER: DIABOLIK was based on a comic strip and is considered a classic by many. Honestly, I never got the picture. John Philip Law plays the titular anti-hero super-thief wanted by the law and underworld alike. No challenge is too great for Diabolik, always ready for the next heist.

John Philip Law as Diabolik

   I think one reason the character has never appealed to me is that he seems to be motivated entirely by selfish means. He wants something, so he takes it, despite the best efforts of others to keep him from it. (There's a Washington DC establishment joke in there somewhere, I just know it...)

Marisa Mell as Diabolik's moll

   A major part of the plot involves Diabolik stealing a rare necklace for his feminine partner-in-crime's birthday. A mob boss abducts her and ransoms her back to Diabolik for the necklace. The exchange takes place during a police raid and the bad guy is gunned down. Diabolik takes a pill that simulates death and later wakes up in the morgue just prior to his autopsy! Diabolik then collects his necklace, hidden inside the cremated remains of the mob boss! Fortunately, this picture moves swiftly enough that you don't really think about how absurd it all is.

   Marisa Mell plays Diabolik's moll, and much of the film's fame is probably due to her presence here. A very similar character to Diablok (though a bit less homicidal, and sporting an entire harem of girls) can be found in the more recent Japanese character, Mouse.

Johnny Dorelli as Dorellik, with Margaret Lee

   HOW TO KILL 400 DUPONTS was a comic take on material very similar to that of DANGER: DIABOLIK. I can't say if it was an intentional spoof of the John Phillip Law picture, but the similarities rather make me think so. Johnny Dorelli plays master criminal Dorellik, hired to wipe out an entire family so his client can claim an inheritance! Margaret Lee is also on hand.

   SUPER STOOGES VS THE WONDER WOMEN was apparently a comic Sword and Sandal movie with costumed heroics. I haven't seen this one, but I saw a preview once. It seems to cover all the bases, with amazons on the march confronted by a rebellion organized by the Super Stooges -a trio of super-types of various skills. One is a costumed acrobat/magician, one an African superman described as "the black Samson", and the third an Oriental martial arts expert. I gotta admit, it looks fairly entertaining.

Inframan! One wacky flick...

   INFRAMAN was an import from China, and is about as berserk a film as you'll ever see. A cabal of prehistoric monsters awakens from ages of slumber and goes to war against mankind. Their leader is a mini-skirted blonde in a viking helmet by name of Princess Dragon Mom! Her army consists of a whole bunch of expendable look-a-like foot soldiers and a few featured monsters of the wildest sort you'll see in a feature film. One man volunteers to become the bionic super-guy, Inframan, and several dizzying fight scenes follow. 

   Imagine watching every Mighty Morphin Power Rangers episode at the same time and you'll have some idea of what this movie is like! It came to home video through Goodtimes, but the film was re-edited. The original titles were removed and in new titles the monsters highlighted by someone who wasn't paying attention (an obviously plant-based creature is dubbed The Octopus Man, for example). It recently came to DVD in a widescreen transfer, under the Chinese title "The Super Inframan" rather than a release of the actual US print. It also suffered from that occasional issue of digital remastering, which is to say parts of it look like it was shot on video tape. All the same, though, this is a whole lot better than the old Goodtimes tape. It's being in scope allows one to get a better idea of what's going on in any given scene!

Cathy Lee Crosby as Wonder Woman... sorta

   Cathy Lee Crosby starred in WONDER WOMAN, a telefilm supposedly based on the popular DC comics character. Since this Wonder Woman bore no resemblance at all to the established character, the film went down as a legendary flop. It's remained a very obscure item. Even I haven't seen it!

   Not long after, another station tried their hand at a much more traditional pilot film starring Lynda Carter....

Lynda Carter as the real Wonder Woman

   THE NEW, ORIGINAL WONDER WOMAN followed in the camp footsteps of Batman. It was the note-perfect casting of Lynda Carter that made the film a hit.

   The pilot film follows the traditional Wonder Woman origin. The world is at war and pilot Steve Trevor is shot down over Paradise Island. There, amazon Diana Prince finds him and nurses him back to health. In the process, she falls in love with him and follows him back to the States when he recovers. Disguising herself as a Wave, she becomes Trevor's personal assistant, always ready to don her star-spangled bathing suit to aid the Allies! Here, she breaks a spy ring headed up by Red Buttons and Stella Stevens.

   THE NEW, ORIGINAL WONDER WOMAN was a massive success, and a series followed. The first season retained the World War 2 setting. It started out as campy as the movie, but eventually fell into a more straight-forward stride which made it one of the coolest shows on television! Particularly interesting was a two-parter in which Wonder Woman must convince a Martian that the Allies are just and the Nazis evil. Another neato-boss episode guest-starred Roy Rogers!

Wonder Woman in her television series

   It was a wonderful time for pulchritudinous sci-fi super-types. Batgirl, The Avengers, The Girl From U.N.C.L.E., and Honey West kinda kicked it off in the 60's, and the 70's continued with Wonder Woman, The Secrets of Isis, and Electra-Woman and Dyna-Girl -to say nothing of the assorted Policewomans and Charlie's Angelses.

Lynda's updated uniform for the 70's

   Later, the series moved Wonder Woman into more cost-effective contemporary times. It was around this point that superheroes on the small screen became big business. Numerous characters were given TV movies and/or series in hopes of creating another successful franchise.

Lou Ferrigno as The incredible Hulk

   By far the best show was The Incredible Hulk, introduced via the pilot feature THE INCREDIBLE HULK. Bill Bixby stars, as the tragic Dr. Banner who searches for a means of unlocking the hidden reserves of power that allow a mother to lift a car that's pinning her child. Banner accidentally unleashes his violent animal side after exposure to a gamma ray projector, resulting in the unstoppable Hulk taking over his body whenever Banner becomes agitated. Bodybuilder Lou Ferrigno became a household name as Banner's uncontrollable rage given green form. The film and following series stayed grounded in reality while most similar shows were very cartoony. It remains the version against which more costly remakes are judged.

   There were actually two pilots. THE INCREDIBLE HULK established the premise, but the first follow-up was the telefilm THE INCREDIBLE HULK: DEATH IN THE FAMILY, which really laid the groundwork for the series that followed.

Caroline Munro as Stella Starr in STARCRASH

   Adventuress/pirate Stella Starr was played by Caroline Munro in the film STARCRASH, one of the earliest cash-ins on STAR WARS. I'm unaware if Stella Starr appeared in comic strips prior to the film, but some did follow in the fandom that has kept the film alive for decades. The inclusion of STARCRASH here isn't quite on topic, but it's also within the limits of colorful costumed heroics. Stella teams up with an assortment of weird and wild characters when the universe is threatened by the latest despot to rule from an armed space station -this station shaped like a huge claw!

   Of course, big-screen superheroes were still considered kiddie matinee fodder. Of the American superhero movies, only BATMAN sported a healthy budget -and that was played for laughs. A similarly spoofy, high-camp musical version of Superman was done on stage and later brought cheaply to television as the feature IT'S A BIRD, IT'S A PLANE... IT'S SUPERMAN. I mention it only to be complete, but was unable to find a shot of it. It may've only aired once.

   In the late 70's, motion picture and superhero history were made when a gigantic budget was pinned to bring the legend of Superman definitively to the big screen. This event kicked off the first wave of superhero blockbusters that wasn't to end until the 90's.

Christopher Reeve as Superman

    SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE was still amusing, but for the most part took it's subject seriously. Following the familiar story, infant Cal-El is saved from the destruction of the planet Krypton by being sent to Earth, where the boy becomes Clark Kent and grows into city-saving Superman. He draws the ire of criminal genius Lex Luthor and it's up to our hero to prevent Lex from re-shaping the West coast with atomic missiles. The ending has never made sense, this being the film where Superman turns back time (by flying around the globe) to save the life of Lois Lane. (Even if I buy that, it doesn't explain why the earthquake doesn't crush her car the second time around...)

   SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE was a box-office smash the world over. Sequels would follow, and in fact the first one had already been half-shot. The same producers had earlier done a pair of films about the Three Musketeers, shot at the same time and basically functioning as two halves of the same story. Superman was handled in a similar fashion, but director Richard Donner split when production became too hectic. He finished the first film, and it's success demanded the second film be completed. Richard Lester, who had earlier helmed the Musketeer epics, came in and finished the film. More on that in a moment.

Richard Yesteran as Supersonic in SUPERSONICMAN

   A cheap, European knock off of Superman released in 1979 was SUPERSONICMAN. I haven't seen this one yet, but it's on my 'get' list since it features Cameron Mitchell and a killer robot! Directed by notable drive-in movie maker J. Piquer Simon, the film was reportedly so terrible that it's recent DVD release has tried to pass itself off as an intentional comedy. Simon has an interesting filmography, including as it does MST3K favorite THE UNEARTHLING (known to MSTies was "Pod People"), and early slasher PIECES -which may be the most blatantly exploitative movie I've ever seen, so imagine how shocked I was to find it was actually pretty entertaining. Simon gave us giant rubber monsters in WHERE TIME BEGAN and MYSTERY ON MONSTER ISLAND. He also helmed the surprisingly decent SLUGS. 

Adam West, Burt Ward return for LEGENDS OF THE SUPERHEROES

   Possibly the most bizarre superhero "movie" was the television special LEGENDS OF THE SUPER-HEROES, a prime-time event about the Justice League of America. Adam West and Burt Ward returned to play Batman and Robin, and Frank Gorshin came back as the Riddler. This was played purely for laughs, which may be why the show looks so cheap. Aired over two nights, the two segments share little in common aside from the same cast (which includes such luminaries as William Shallert, Howard Morris, and Charlie Callas -who actually makes for a pretty good Sinestro). 

   The first segment is a comical take on a typical Justice League adventure. The Legion of Doom has hidden a bomb that could destroy the world, and the JLA must find it before it goes off.

   The second segment, on the other hand, is a parody of the Dean Martin Celebrity Roast specials that had been spun off of The Dean Martin Show. Ed MacMahon is the celebrity MC, and even Ruth Buzzi stops by! 

   I imagine it was funny to the kids of the time, and in fairness the special has some pretty good laughs sprinkled throughout, but it's so bizarre! Discerning tykes undoubtedly got a lot more out of this than did the adults, who probably found it tiresome and a bit dull. I don't know how it did in the ratings. 

   There is a good bit, though, where Robin must tell Batman that he has totaled the Batmobile.

   Most superhero movies of the day were defacto pilots for proposed series, as the Wonder Woman movies had been. With the success of The Incredible Hulk, other characters from the Marvel line of comics began showing up in feature films and short-lived series.

Reb Brown as Captain America...

   Believe it or not, the above image is that of CAPTAIN AMERICA. Reb Brown was brought in to play beach-bum cartoonist Steve Rogers, sought desperately by a law organization to carry on the work of his father -a crusading spy his peers jokingly nicknamed "Captain America." Rogers is more or less forced into becoming Captain America when a secret serum is used to save his life after an accident. He quickly falls into the part, however, and the organization even designs him a colorful costume based on one of his sketches.

   Although the story was written that the original "Captain America" wasn't a costumed hero, audience reaction to the re-designed uniform was so harsh that a new ending was filmed in which Rogers dons the more traditional costume. To justify this, they have a line looped in where Rogers desires to wear his father's uniform...

   At any rate, the film is lethargic and dull. Someone in the production obviously felt a series could still be sold, however, and a second film followed in the form of CAPTAIN AMERICA: DEATH TOO SOON.

Reb Brown in DEATH TOO SOON

   This time around, Steve investigates a strange small town where people and animals are prematurely dying of old age. Turns out Christopher Lee (!) is looking to hold youth for ransom!

    CAPTAIN AMERICA: DEATH TOO SOON is a giant step up from the first film, though it still didn't sell anyone on a series. It's relatively entertaining, though, and has recently been issued on DVD alongside it's parent film.

   Back on the big screen, that second Superman movie was in release, and was generally a hit with fans as well as critics....

    SUPERMAN II finds Superman/Clark giving up his superpowers in order to live a human life with Lois Lane. Unfortunately, some Kryptonian super-villians have been released from their Phantom Zone prison and decide to take over the Earth. We never actually see how Superman gets his powers back, but he does so in time to defeat the bad guys. Somewhat more troubling is that Kent, after regaining his super abilities, returns to a truck-stop in order to beat up the bully that hassled him when he was minus his strength. This lack of turning the other cheek, and his earlier bedding of Lois Lane, and his taking the Lord's name in vain a few times, paint Superman in a less heroic, all-too-human light that was only to become more vivid as the franchise moved into the 21st Century.

Christopher Reeve, back in blue

   Still and all, SUPERMAN II was a massive success. A third film was called for, and it came along in 1983.

Walter George Alton as The Pumaman

   THE PUMAMAN was subject to an earlier review. Cheapo flick finds American researcher heir to the powers of the Pumaman, a protector of Earth established by creatures from space. Pumaman must stop Donald Pleasance from taking over the world with a hypnotic golden Aztec mask. Bizarre music score seems to think it's a toothpaste commercial...

Michael Crawford as Condorman, with Barbara Carrera

   CONDORMAN is among those I haven't seen yet. From the end of the cycle of Disney's live-action family adventure films, the picture was advertised as an adventure/spy/superhero/comedy. My exposure to it has been limited to that clip parade that used to end Disney videos back in the 80's. What was visible there looked polished and fun.

   SUPERMAN III is often overlooked, but it's a pretty solid affair. In it, industrialist Robert Vaughn has computer genius Richard Pyor design the ultimate, living computer in order to rule the world. They try to kill Superman by exposing him to artificial Kryptonite, but it instead releases Superman's selfish inner beast when it causes him to go insane. In my favorite moment of the series, evil Superman battles a manifestation of good Clark Kent.

   Back to his senses, Superman takes on the super-computer. I don't want to spoil it or anything, but Superman wins.

   With three successful Superman pictures, Christopher Reeve was ready to move on. The producers, riding high on the success of the franchise, began looking for ways to expand the series. A later syndicated television series focused on Superboy's adventures. Before that, though, the big screen saw the arrival of SUPERGIRL!

   SUPERGIRL followed the adventure of Superman's cousin coming to Earth and getting into a war with a witch. 

   Seriously. 

   That's probably why you've never heard of it.

Helen Slater as Supergirl

   SUPERGIRL was technically polished, with some of the best effects work the series has to offer. Unfortunately, it's script lacked much interest. The film failed to get the warm response audiences had for the Superman movies and any planned sequels were cancelled immediately. To put it in a charitable way, it simply failed to find an audience.

    Whatever it's problems, it must be noted that Helen Slater's Supergirl was perfect casting. 

   Following the film's failure, the producers turned back to Superman himself. In an effort to keep costs down in the wake of the SUPERGIRL fiasco, the production of the fourth Superman feature was farmed out to Cannon -the then-prolific smaller studio cranking out numerous economic-but-successful action films. Cannon's output defined 80's drive-in entertainment as AIP's had in the 50's and early 60's. 

   Warner Brothers was not pleased with the resulting film, and sued Cannon on grounds that some of the allotted budget was passed on to in-house productions.

   Christopher Reeve, meanwhile, was lured back into the role of Superman when he was asked to help shape the script. Always the tireless activist, Reeve felt this was a chance to tackle some important issues cinematically.

Superman vs Nuclearman

   SUPERMAN IV: THE QUEST FOR PEACE may well be the most idiotic superhero movie ever made. In it, Superman declares war on atomic weapons and goes about ridding the planet of them. Lex Luthor uses this to his advantage, however, and creates Nuclearman to confront the man of steel... 

   Words really can't describe how blatantly stupid this film is. It's right up there with fellow vanity message fiascos ON THE BEACH and THE TRIAL OF BILLY JACK... Only SUPERMAN IV: THE QUEST FOR PEACE didn't do nearly as well at the box office.

   The franchise was scuttled right there, and it took decades to get another Superman movie off the ground. (Interestingly, the cinematic Superman of the 21st Century is a moody, immoral, self-centered jerk very much like the compromised hero of SUPERMAN III.)

The Hulk meets the mighty Thor (Eric Kramer)

   Quite a bit a better was THE INCREDIBLE HULK RETURNS, the first in a series of telefilms to follow up the beloved series. In this one, Dr. Banner finds himself joining forces with the mighty Thor to take on the latest bad guy. Thor was another hero from the Marvel comics universe, and this film was no doubt an attempt to launch a new series. The superhero craze of the 70's was more or less exhausted by the end of the 80's, however, and no new franchise was born of this unique pairing.

Of course, the decade ended with a real jolt to the genre...

   BATMAN was Tim Burton's big-screen epic that shocked audiences by ignoring everything that came before it and returning the concept to it's origins. Bruce Wayne still donned the guise of Batman to strike terror into the hearts of criminals, but did so this time in a dark and violent world filled with profanity and casual murder. Top-billed Jack Nicholson wowed audiences with his psychopathic take on the Joker. Michael Keaton was cast as the Bat, which seemed at first an odd choice as the actor was known mostly for comedic roles. Pat Hingle is Commissioner Gordon, Billy Dee Williams plays crusading D.A. Harvy Dent, and Jack Palance puts in an all-too-brief bit as a mob boss. Kim Basinger is Vicki Vale, the Lois Lane of the Batman universe.

   Although it took people by surprise, BATMAN was a monstrous hit. This stylized-yet-gritty realism was a dramatic departure from anyone's expectations, though it seems to've been the right move at the time. The film was a subsequent massive success in video rentals. Pop camp and colorful imagery may've defined the genre before, but no longer. Dark and dreary was the new mold for comic book movies.

Rex Smith as Daredevil in TRIAL OF THE INCREDIBLE HULK

   THE TRIAL OF THE INCREDIBLE HULK followed BATMAN's lead and set itself within a gritty urban jungle where violence was coldly casual. This time, Banner meets up with another Marvel character, Daredevil, and takes on kingpin John Rhys-Davies.

   Also in the wake of BATMAN was THE PUNISHER, about a vigilante cop at war with the underworld after the murder of his family. The character had been an anti-hero knocking around Marvel Comics Group since the late 60's, which is why I've included the film despite it's lack of any masks or colorful costumes. The film isn't bad, though it's budget-conscious to be sure. Basically, it's a typical 80's action B movie, though given to some colorful flourishes after the influence of BATMAN.

Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno, one last time

   I haven't seen DEATH OF THE INCREDIBLE HULK yet, but it was the rightly-named climax to the franchise. Reportedly, further sequels were planned, but Bill Bixby's untimely passing prevented continuance. Bixby leaves behind a legacy of supreme likeability, charming comedic parts, and sensitive dramatic roles. His like is missed greatly.

Warren Beatty as Dick Tracy

   1990 saw the return to screens of famous comic strip detective, DICK TRACY. This most recent adaptation was quite colorful and did everything it could to copy the look of an old newspaper strip. The cast was also filled with familiar names, although most of their faces were hidden behind heavy make-up to simulate the look of the strip's exaggerated villains. The film flopped, and I can see why. It's a movie I desperately want to like. I really, really want to. The problem is I just... don't. 

Matt Salinger as Captain America

   1990 also saw release of a new CAPTAIN AMERICA feature film. This one is so obscure I've not only never seen it, I know next to nothing about it. Reportedly, the film focuses on Cap's civilian identity of Steve Rogers and barely features his star-spangled uniform. I don't know if this played theaters. It may've been a video-only release. 

Billy Campbell (or his stunt double, who knows) as The Rocketeer

   Disney provided one of the absolute coolest movies of all time in the shape of THE ROCKETEER. Based loosely on the sporadically-printed comic strip serial by celebrated cartoonist Dave Stevens*, the film was set in the late 30's. Stunt pilot Cliff Secord discovers a personal jet-pack sought by Hollywood gangsters and Nazi spies, and flies into action against both! Timothy Dalton is the Erroll Flynn-like heavy. Also on hand is Terry O'Quinn as Howard Hughes -inventor of the stolen jet-pack!

   Throwback to the old Rocketman serials, THE ROCKETEER was sheer slam-bang, feel-good adventure of the sort that influenced the Indiana Jones franchise. This one has everything. Rocket-packs, gangsters, Nazis, spies, G-men, airships, airplanes, Hollywood glamor, beloved character actors, high production values... It's just a beautiful and fun movie. Fans also delighted in one character's visual recall of tragic horror star Rondo Hatton.

   Despite everything in it's favor, the film under-performed. It wasn't a flop or anything, but it didn't do the kind of business expected. Sadly, there were no sequels. 

(*Stevens, famously, was largely responsible for the 90's re-discovery of 50's pinup queen Bettie/Betty Page. In fact, the comic strip Rocketeer's girlfriend was patterned after Page, and named Betty. Reportedly, Disney thought Betty too racy and replaced her with the more wholesome Jenny, as played by Jennifer Connelly. Stevens would go on to produce art for an actual Bettie Page comic book.)

   Another superhero action movie of 1990 was TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES, based on a bizarre comic book about said turtles -ninja warriors mutated from reptiles exposed to a mysterious ooze. Little in common with the popular Saturday morning cartoon series of the same name, the film was surprisingly straight. In the film, the titular turtles are New York's only hope against a Japanese mob recruiting teenagers to operate a theft ring. A modestly-budgeted independent production, the film was a massive hit despite some parental concerns about the picture's level of violence. All in all, a pretty good movie. A sequel followed the next year.

   TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES II: THE SECRET OF THE OOZE toned down the violence considerably, playing up the humor associated with the popular cartoon version of the franchise. This time the turtles must cope with the resurfacing of the toxic substance which gave them their powers in the first place. Amusing at times, but not as good as the first film. Still, the picture was another big hit and a third installment was produced.

Michael Keaton returns

   BATMAN RETURNS came along in '92. Despite it's unimaginative title, the film was much anticipated and accompanied by an advertising frenzy that had it on everybody's mind. Batman this time must go up against a sleazy industrialist played by Christopher Walken, who is backing Danny DeVito's half-animal aristocrat The Penguin in a mayoral race. Also lurking about is Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwoman, this time a murderous psychopath traumatized by an attempt on her life that had her falling several stories and then fed upon by alley cats.

   This chapter was even darker than the previous film, but it was again a massive hit. The film was also a touch more comic-bookish than the last one, a trend soon to get way out of hand! Merchandising tie-ins were all over the place, including numerous toys.

Michelle Pfeiffer as the 90's Catwoman

   Of course, the film is mostly remembered for Miss Pfeiffer's stitched leather catsuit. This was as iconic in it's day as had been Carrie Fisher's metal harem wear from THE RETURN OF THE JEDI.

   1992 also saw the birth of a new prime-time animated version of Batman which created what many consider to be the most definitive version of his universe yet committed to film. Voiced by Kevin Conroy, this Batman lived in a quasi-30's aesthetic that became known as "Dark Deco" by the production crew. This version of the character caught on just as Burton's had, and a feature spin-off was hitting theater screens in 1993.

Kevin Conroy's Batman battles Mark Hamill's Joker

   BATMAN: MASK OF THE PHANTASM delved into Bruce Wayne's past and saw him reflecting on how he became the Terror of the Night, while also rekindling an old flame who has hit town. Also in town is the masked assassin The Phantasm, out slaughtering Gotham's crime bosses. One of them goes to the Joker for help, and we eventually learn the laughing lunatic is also on the Phantasm's hit list... It was a very fine series, and the movie is just as good.

   TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES III found the titular humanoid reptiles in possession of a mystical artifact which transports them back to feudal Japan to take on a warlord and his English weapons dealer. This was a bit better than the second film, but the producers felt the moment for the franchise had ended. Indeed, I didn't even know there was a third film until only recently.
 

The Forgotten Four

   THE FANTASTIC FOUR was reportedly made only to re-secure a copyright, and was never released. Some unofficial copies have surfaced, happily. Though the film has a poor reputation, it's generally agreed that the picture is still superior to the monstrously expensive misfires that have come since. Remaining more faithful to the material, this version is on par with a TV movie. The budgetary limitations are evident, but the picture is still a fun watch. Produced by Roger Corman.

   Following the basic premise of the property, we watch Dr. Reed Richards and his friends take a space flight which ends in disaster because their rocket's power crystal has been replaced by a fake. Exposed to a cosmic anomaly, the group finds themselves possessing strange powers. These will come in handy with the maniacal Dr. Doom out to control the world!

   Again, this is about on par with a 70's TV movie. It suffers mostly in it's crude effects work, aside from the rather fantastic make-up/animatronic/costume for the Thing! Whatever the issues with the low budget, the cast is good, the script strong, and Dr. Doom is perfect.

Alec Baldwin as The Shadow

   I don't really remember anything about THE SHADOW, and I'm not even sure I ever saw the whole thing in one sitting. Based on the old radio show, it told of a socialite who learned from Tibetan monks the ability "to cloud men's minds" and battled the underworld of the 1930's. I really don't recall much. Starred a young Alec Baldwin. I remember Max Wright had a cameo as a security guard or something... Let's move on to the next picture....

The Power Rangers on the big screen

   POWER RANGERS: THE MOVIE was a big screen spin-off of the wildly popular teleseries Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. The series took the bulk of it's action/fight/monster footage from a Japanese show and combined it with new footage of American actors. The feature goes all-original, and even gives our teen heroes some spiffy new uniforms. The plot tells of how an evil despot (Ivan Ooze!) imprisoned for 6,000 years is unearthed by a construction crew (coincidentally enough in Angel Grove, the city the Power Rangers call home), and resumes his war with Zanon -self-appointed protector of the universe. Zanon uses as his field agents teenagers assembled into a fighting force known as the Power Rangers. When Ooze invades Zanon's secret HQ and destroys it, the Rangers must fly off to a distant planet to recover a lost power source. Back on Earth, Ooze enslaves the parents of Angel Grove and forces them to excavate his giant robot monsters. 

   Fun picture was a huge hit. Being lighthearted adventure, the film features a few surprisingly good laughs. It also features a lot more cheesecake than one might expect. Special effects fans will like knowing the film features some very nice miniatures, but the actual fighting robots are computer generated cartoons -and look it. Some impressive stunt work is in evidence, usually actually featuring the real cast! Entertaining flick.

Billy Zane is The Phantom, with Kristy Swanson

   THE PHANTOM was based on a long-running and very popular comic strip. "The Ghost Who Walks" is only the latest in a long line of men who have donned the purple suit of the Phantom, thus perpetuating a legend of an undying hero. When an evil Treat Williams plans to take over the world with the aid of three mystical carved skulls, it's up to the Phantom to ride to the rescue. Fun picture, but I couldn't say how well it did financially. There were no sequels, I notice. Too bad. This one was nearly on par with THE ROCKETEER. 

Val Kilmer as Batman, with Nicole Kidman

   BATMAN FOREVER (or is it FOREVER BATMAN? The on-screen title is just FOREVER) was a mixed bag, to be sure. Overall, it was a pretty good movie. Val Kilmer (an actor not known for subtle performances) gives a fine portrayal of the caped crusader, and Tommy Lee Jones is quite outstanding as Harvey Two-Face (one-dimensional the role may be), replacing Billy Dee Williams as Harvey Dent (reportedly, Williams made more money being bought out of the role in favor of the more marketable Jones than he would've made playing the part).

    The film is far more colorful than the two Burton films (though Burton is the producer here), and one thing that detracts is the overall visual design. The film is made to resemble a typical contemporary comic book, and comic books in the 90's tended to be entirely too cluttered and super-detailed to a point of aesthetic discomfort. One gets that same sense here, with swirling light patterns, scenes crammed with extras, blinding color hues mixed too randomly, etc.

   The story itself isn't bad (just over-done), as Batman faces off against former D.A. Harvey Dent, now the psychotic madman Two-Face after acid was thrown on half his head. Two-Face tries to draw out Batman at a circus event being attended by Gotham big-wigs, and slaughters the family of acrobat Dick Grayson (in a particularly poor bit of casting, Chris O'Donnell is even more mature than Burt Ward was -though he does show himself to be a decent actor in his two turns as Robin). Meanwhile, the Riddler (top comedy star of the moment, Jim Carrey) comes into being, and he feels he has a score to settle with Bruce Wayne...

   As noted, Kilmer makes a good Batman, but he wasn't to return to the role. BATMAN FOREVER was a smash hit, and another sequel was quick in coming. It was perhaps too quickly...

Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl, George Clooney as Batman, Chris O'Donnell as Robin

   BATMAN AND ROBIN (lifting it's title from the second 40's serial) was a massive bomb, and more or less ended the superhero boom of the 90's. Repeating the new colorful elements of BATMAN FOREVER, and then enhancing them, the film consciously recalled the 60's parody by infusing it's story with quite a bit of high camp. The opening sequence and much of the climax particularly suffer from this. In addition, the film is so massively huge that millions upon millions were poured into the budget, including the hire of an all-star cast. The film was predicted to do huge business, and plans were being made for a fifth Batman before the 4th had even hit theaters. All that changed when the film proved to be a disaster in almost every sense.

   It should be noted, however, that there is some good stuff buried in there. Top-billed Arnold Schwarzenegger manages to give a pretty solid performance in a few scenes where he isn't required to camp it up. So too does George Clooney in his star-making role of Batman/Bruce Wayne, who makes a better showing than one might expect (or really notice upon first viewing). His attempt to reach what might be left of Mr. Feeze's humanity is a surprisingly powerful moment. O'Donnell gives a pretty good performance, too, I must note.

   The plot this time around concerns Mr. Freeze stealing diamonds to power his freeze-ray. Meanwhile, insane research scientist-turned-deadly sexpot Poison Ivy has come to town and wants to eliminate Batman and Robin. Back at Wayne Manor, Alfred is getting sick and his niece has showed up. By the movie's end, she's become Batgirl. While Alicia Silverstone isn't bad, it remains true that Yvonne Craig has nothing to worry about. (And weirdly, apart from Batgirl's briefly-seen motorcycle helmet, her uniform has no bat ears!)

   As noted, the film did so poorly that the franchise was scuttled right then and there (the Batman series' echo of the Superman cycle is eerie -though Batman was later to be resurrected to much greater audience support). The turn of the century saw superhero movies in a real slump. With SPIDER-MAN, however, the genre was rejuvenated. Once again, comic book/superhero movies were hot properties, and blockbuster after blockbuster has been issued in SPIDER-MAN's wake. That cycle is still with us, in fact.

Maura Monti as Batwoman

   I end this piece with a 60's Mexican flick (which was sadly never imported or dubbed into English) because I think BATWOMAN deserves all the press it can get!

   BATWOMAN is a masked wrestler and crime-fighter of the Santo mold. Her adventure places her at odds with a mad scientist who can grow his own gill-men! Seldom have I seen a picture so wonderfully wild and crammed with 60's pop. Batwoman's costume is basically a bikini with Adam West's cape and mask. Everything is here. Cheesecake, adventure, monsters, a mad scientist, espionage, thugs, boats, beaches, sports cars, secret labs, jazz music, etc, etc, etc!

    We will likely never get an official home video release here in the States (or even in it's native Mexico, though it does occasionally turn up on television there -and I guess it made it to Europe, since the Database records a 1970 release year for Austria). Such a pity. I believe the film can be found on YouTube, at least.

   Have a happy halloween, gang!

Very special thanks to Messrs Ken Begg and Morgan McDannell, without whom this piece could never've been realized.